lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
