The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
