watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
