You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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