be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
