he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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