I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
