4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
