Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
