some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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