at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
