I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
