Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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