we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
