Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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