HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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