I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
