JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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