Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
