New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
