why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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