Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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