Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize