I could have mohawked her pubes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
