youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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