Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
