I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My pussy is not your playground.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
