GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
