you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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