then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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