i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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