so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
