I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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