It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize