Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
