Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
