So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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