I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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