i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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