It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
