why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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