I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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