oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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