She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize