Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
