People with herpes should wear stickers.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
