im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
