dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
