hotel room ftw
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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