So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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