You're earring is so big in my mouth
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
