I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
