coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
