FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
