at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dick has a subreddit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
