I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
