I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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