Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
