I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
