That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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