mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
