I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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