So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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