I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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