4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
