FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
