You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize