I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
