if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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