you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
