update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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