Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
